The one with the "Girlfriend"

So we'll call this one- selfish, egotistical, compulsive liar...Nathan.
Nathan was 23, I was 19 and we met while I was bartending at this place downtown. He was rude and bugging me relentlessly asking for a Jack and coke; I told him to fuck off-he turned to his friend and said: "I'm going to sleep with her". If I've learned anything, it's that guys love bitchy girls. Especially the douche bags because they need someone to keep them on their toes. FACT.

It started off casual, day dates, movies, a lot of talking. He had this cool demeanor, organized, driven, somewhat of quiet confidence. He liked that I was young, innocent, and naive. I liked that he could teach me things and was protective over me. He helps me set up all my credit cards and bills online, wrote down all my passwords and username info and put it in my wallet so I would have it handy, was my designated driver when I was drunk from girls night out, was nice to all my friends, brought me Gatorade when I was really hung over, filled up my car tires, and fixed stuff in my room when anything would break. Truly the perfect college boyfriend! He was sensual and sweet and enjoyed just laying around with me, talking, kissing, and laughing.

Nathan was different from any other guy I had dated. He loved guns and had a ton of them; in his car, under the bed, in boxes. He liked hunting and drove a big truck...everything I hated. I forgot to mention he had a very long, gross beard when I met him as well. I still don't know what it is that attracted me to him. Probably because he was smart, sweet, and funny.

Anyway, long story short, I completely fell for him. I was crazy about him and he was crazy about me. All was well until; my best friend Jen told me he was dating someone else. Let me rephrase, he had a girlfriend of a year. ONE YEAR. When I asked him about it at first, he brushed me off and said it was nothing serious but as time progressed he told me she was his girlfriend. So this is the part where I broke up with him and left?
NO. I told him to leave her so we could be happily ever after. I was naive.

I will call this my most pathetic blog, but I thought I would get it out of the way early on. Nathan was going on a trip to California to visit his best friend. Before he left, I gave him an ultimatum and told him by the time he got back he had to leave her or me but one of us had to go. While he was away, my friends were sick of hearing me cry about this ridiculous situation so they did what any good friend would do...

Jen and Adriana called his GIRLFRIEND and invited her over for a chat. They told her Nathan had been seeing me for 6 MONTHS, that he was with me all the time and asked her how in God's name had she not noticed????? She cried and apparently was shocked and mortified (totally understandable) and said she thought he had been really busy with school and work.*On a side note, he barely had class and his "work" was a T-shirt company he started out of his house. So, sorry to say, but either she was stupid or blind.

I got a call from him freaking out asking me what I had done. I said nothing because I had no idea they had actually done this. The funny part is when he got home the next day he went straight from his place to my house. He came in and sat down and told me he couldn't be with me. He didn't tell me why and he could barely look at me because he didn't want me to catch the tears in his eyes. (Yes, I saw them- REAL tears!) I screamed at him and called him names, cried and pushed him-none of this made me feel better. He said he couldn't picture being without me and that he was so sorry and wished things could be different.

This I never understood because he made a choice and the choice was not me, so why was he having such a hard time? I told him to forget my number and forget my name (I quoted that wayyyy before Carrie - from Sex and the City - used it against Big). He did. I think I recall a text here or there but for the most part, I didn't hear from him for years. It was the hardest break-up I had ever endured. I didn't get out of bed for weeks.

Yes, you all can judge and say I deserved it and I should've walked away sooner. And I could say I was young and in love and didn't know better. But I didn't deserve it, even though I did know better. I learned that sometimes your feelings have the power to make you do things you never thought you would do. Sometimes you should hesitate before getting carried away- in the moment, in a kiss, a caress. And that sometimes the consequences are bigger than you could ever imagine and not worth the momentary bliss.

Would I do it again? Absolutely NOT.
Would I change a thing? Not a chance.