"The One"

Does that even exist? "The One"? Is there one person out there for each one of us and will we ever find them? Questions that I would say, 95 percent of the population have asked themselves at one point or another. But more importantly, did you find the "one" and did he/she get away? Now that is the question that scares me.

When I was 17, one week before my graduation I met a guy. He was 20, a baseball player, and a club promoter. I had sneaked into a bar with my friends to celebrate our upcoming graduation and we were looking for a way to get drinks from the bar. My friend Lauren turns to me and says: "First one to get a guy to buy us drinks wins." She turns away and starts scoping the area, while I caught glimpse of this guy. About two minutes later, I had drinks for Lauren and I. Ca-chiiing!

Anyway, we spent most of the night chatting and after the bar closed we went to Steak and Shake because it was the only place that was open late. We talked for awhile about where we wanted to go to college, our families, friends, music, everything. We just clicked. I'm not sure whether it was because we were young, naive, or just foolish but we were honest and ready to jump into whatever came at us. We were inseparable for the next few weeks and we made plans. Crazy plans like where we were going to get married, what we were going to name our kids, where we were going to live, what our dog's name would be, and it felt completely normal. Which in turn made me freak out. Yet, he had this soothing quality about him that put all my worries at ease and just made feel safe and completely open to all the things we could do together. He was an eternal optimist and I was forever pessimistic but we complemented each other and pushed each other, and brought out the best qualities in us. He made me better and I loved him completely for that.

I had already been accepted to a school that was 4 hours away, so a few months later he helped me move away. He had already accepted an offer to play baseball and attend school out of state, so a few months after that, he moved away too. So our long distance relationship started pretty much right of the bat. He came to see me every weekend before he left and we spoke everyday for hours on the phone, making all kinds of promises and still making all sorts of plans. I remember for my 18th birthday, he bought me an Italian charm bracelet with 4 charms on it. The first was a martini for the first night we met, second was a milkshake for our first “date”, the third was a plane for the trips we would be making to see each other, and the fourth was a puppy for a dog we would someday share. Till this day, I don’t think I’ve ever seen or received a gift that meant so much to me. But as time passed, I started missing him so much and it got harder and harder for us to see each other because of well, life.

I became distant and he did everything he could to try and keep us a float. At one point, he sent me a ticket to come out and see him and come meet his family. I remember opening this letter and the sincerity and love in his words made me cry. Then I saw the plane ticket and my heart sank. I was afraid for some reason and with him not being there and telling me that it was not a big deal, that it was going to be ok…I just couldn’t get on that plane. I still wonder if that was the turning point with us. I knew that not going would hinder us and it did. He really wanted to make it work, but I was young and didn’t want to ruin our college experience by being wrapped up in a long distance relationship. A few weeks later, we broke up and I decided if it was meant to be we would find our way back to each other again someday.

For the next few years, we kept in touch on a weekly basis. We dated different people, got out hearts broken, made new plans, yet we couldn’t let go of what we had found in each other. Everytime he came in town, we would catch up. Four years later, we weren’t keeping in touch as much. It was hard to talk about our other relationships and I think there was a lot of resentment that had built up along the years. I thought that once he graduated he was going to come right back, but he had built a life over there and was taking his time. Eventually, he did move back and went straight into partying with old friends and making up for lost time. We mentioned trying things out again but it was a vague notion and we were both too involved in our own lives to give our relationship priority. We finally made plans to spend a weekend together when his family was in town, but he ended up skipping out on it because his first trip to Vegas turned into a weeklong binge. When he came back, I couldn’t look at him I was so mad. I just couldn’t believe that after all this time; he couldn’t get it together for us. So I told him I was done and he could focus on this new lifestyle which he had so much fun in. And he did.

He left for Ibiza for 3 months. I took an internship in LA and we cut communication for most of the next year. I came back about a year later and our relationship was as rocky as ever. He had changed, I had changed. He was looking for the rollercoaster rides in life and I was looking for stability in mine. He had started dating someone and he shut me out. I conveniently found comfort in an ex-friend of his that was fun, outgoing, and most importantly was there for me when he was not. We had a huge falling out and both said things we didn’t really mean. I thought we would never speak again, let alone get back together. Three months later, I reached out to him and asked him to sit down and talk. At first, he refused but after a few days he agreed to it. I don’t know what I was expecting from him or what I wanted from this conversation. Part of me wanted to see if I still felt what I had felt for him so long ago because the one thing that always remained true, was that what we had was real. What we had was what people write about in books and in love songs.

The other part wanted closure, wanted to shut the book on us, and move on. We caught up on life, relationships, work, and then he listened to me try to verbalize my view on us. It was like no time had passed, yet we were older and wiser and somewhat broken. I told him that I realized I was still inlove with the person he was 7 years ago. I was inlove with the illusion, the fairytale, and I was holding on tightly to what we had. I said if we could somehow get us back, I would start today. He mumbled something about if he was single, then…But that’s not what I needed to hear. I needed to hear that he too was holding on to us and that we could go back to what we had or start new if we had to. That he still loved me and believed that what we had was real and that we were going to get our happy ending. But we all know that’s not what happened.
Basically, all there was left to do was to finish our story, say our good-byes, and type it out.


THE END.